Hey Fat Girl!

For anyone who is overweight and not fit, you know how embarrassing it is and how stupid you feel when you go to a class and you are easily the fattest person there who is the most unfit. Every move for you is a struggle, every breath is ragged, every thought is negative and demeaning.

Last night, I went to my first Boot Camp class. There were these gorgeous girls who had the thigh gap, tone beautiful legs, strong arms, and endurance to compete with any Olympian. Here I am, rolls, fat thighs, fat calves, huge body, and sweat pouring down my face struggling to breath. These girls even sweat pretty! (how unfair is that! LOL) During the class, I kept asking myself “Why am I here?” “What makes me think I am good enough to do this?” “I look so stupid trying to do all this, I am just holding them back”, “Oh god, what must they think of me, the fat girl in the class trying to be like them, I’ll never be like that, ever. I should just leave”. After an hour of this thinking, the class was over, I nearly threw up because I worked so hard to do everything. I didn’t do everything as often as they did or as well (I pulled my thigh muscle Friday[I have a race Saturday, I didn’t want to NOT work out]). BUT I finished it. Today I went to MFP (MyFitnessPal) and someone posted this from another blogger (http://flintland.blogspot.com/)

Hey, Fat Girl.

Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe.

You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.

You are awesome.

If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible.

You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.

You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.

I bow to you.

After reading this, I cried. One day, I won’t be the “Fat Girl”. One day, I’ll be one of the beautiful girls like in my class. It is crazy for me to think that someone might think this of me, or any other fat girl struggling to bring the beautiful girl out.

Fat Girls:

We are strong. We are beautiful. We are inspiring. We are determined.

~Life & Love~

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I’m Bringing SEXY BACK!

I think one of the most rewarding things about exercising and losing weight is that feeling of self-confidence growing inside you again. Since losing, just 5lbs, I feel SO confident and sexy. My clothes are fitting better, I don’t have to do the wiggle & jump & shimmy to get pants on or suck in my waist to make the shirt fall the way it’s supposed to. My posture is being straightened out so I am standing taller. I am becoming “An Athlete”– something I thought I would never become! Who knew that taking a step to better your health also would better your emotional health. When I get upset or stressed, all I think about is swimming or running it off. I am not Kisha Wilson (YET) but I will get there, & I have the confidence in myself to get there now. I weigh in & measure once a month, & I think that is all I or anyone should do because it allows you to focus on how your BODY FEELS, not weighs or measures. Joining MFP & Fitocracy & running is one of the best decisions I have ever made. 

~Life & Love~

My Weight Loss Journey

My whole life I’ve been the big girl, fluffy, lots of “baby weight”, whatever you want to call it. My whole family, other than my father and little sister, are “fluffy” either due to Diabetes, Hypothyroidism, or just general lack of care for their own body. I always thought I was like them and had Hypothyroidism or that it was my birth control that caused my terrible weight. Two months ago, I got tired of NOT knowing why I was gaining weight and went to my doctor. I do NOT have hypothyroidism. While this is GREAT, it means that my weight is my fault and no one else to blame. I asked her what to do, I want to be & look healthy.

So she recommended me to start running, (using Couch 2 5K-C25K) MyFitnessPal.com (MFP), and going lo-carb. I have been using MFP RELIGIOUSLY, and well honestly, I have been on week 1 of C25K for a while now. I am re-learning how to run, but I try. 

But since then I have felt such a sense of accomplishment. I swim for at least 30 mins, 4-5 times a week, my body is toning up, I get sick when I carb load (PIZZA is my enemy) and I mentally feel better. MFP regulates my calorie intake for me, or well I use it for that as well as documenting my exercise, and I use Fitocracy.com to log exercise too. It’s kind of fun because, me being a neo-nerd, it allows me to level up every time I work out as well as complete challenges & quests.

I haven’t weighed in yet, kind of scared to. As of June 4, 2012 I weighed 185lbs and am 5’4″. My goal is to get to 125, depending on how it looks on me. I want a body fat % to be between 18-20. But I know I CAN & WILL get there, with time & effort.

I know a lot of people struggle everyday with how they feel about themselves. They constantly say “It’s too hard”, “I am not strong enough”, “I am embarrassed to be in public”, “I’ve been this way my whole life-I can’t change”. I really feel like they never will with that attitude. there will come a point, like for myself, when you realize that you can either spend the rest of your life hating yourself & being jealous of those people who succeed, hating the dressing room being scared to rip clothes, hating beach weather, etc…or you could take that one step to change your life. It’s hard, sometimes you will want to give up (I know I do everyday) but making just a small effort can change your life and your happiness. Every little thing you do extra, whether it be walking the road for 15 mins, or swimming harder, or going up & down the stairs a few more times, will all add up & help you on your way! I believe in myself and in you.

~Life & Love~